Buzz

This morning, as I was driving to work, I was listening to the traffic reports on the radio (as one does). Which is how I heard of an overturned big rig, that had been carrying… Bees. To which I thought, “That’ll give you bees.” Here’s why.

A joke too serious to be funny

The title of this piece at Stratechery — “If Steve Ballmer Ran Apple” — makes it sound like a one-liner, but it isn’t. It’s a very thoughtful analysis, and has a great closing paragraph:

“Ballmer did exactly what our capitalist system dictate he do: he maximized profits to the benefit of Microsoft’s shareholders. The implications of suggesting he was a failure are far more profound than most of his many critics likely realize.”

Lexicon: “The shovel broke.”

NOTE: I originally wrote this in 2010. But Ulrika and I just watched Snowpiercer, and I realized it should be resurrected.

So tonight we were watching Glee S1:D3 from Netflix, and I made an observation about how unlikely this was from choral standards — but, hey, what do I know? I only sang in grade school, high school, and college choirs for 12 years.

And Ulrika said, “I wonder when the shovel will break?”

We both realized there was a lexicon entry — because she got that phrase from me.

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There I am living in Harwood Court, a dorm on the Pomona College campus.

I’m talking to Doug Shepherd, class of ’84, and some other folks, and I forget just how this came up, but he says, “Night of the Comet is so bad, the shovel breaks before the opening titles.”

“Oh?” I say. “What do you mean by that, Doug?”

“Well… All fiction is basically the art of throwing shit in your general direction. When you’re in the hands of a master — Tolstoy, say, or Hitchcock — they shovel the shit out of the way so quickly and so cleanly you don’t ever really notice it. Their shovels are made out of a mix of titanium and carbon fiber. But let’s face it — not everyone is that good. So, sooner or later, the shit is just so heavy their shovel breaks. Then the shit the story depends on starts piling up. I mean, it becomes a big pile. Then it starts stinking. You just can’t pay any attention to the story, because this steaming pile of shit is between the story and you, and it keeps growing, because their shovel has broken, and they just can’t get it out of the way.”

Night of the Comet starts with this text prologue on the screen. And this text is so lame, and so ridiculous… I’m telling you, the shovel breaks before the titles show up.”

“So it becomes something of a measure of quality, y’know? Just when does the shovel break in a story?”

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This was the thing Doug told me I remember best, and have found most useful in the passage of time. And now I pass it on to you.

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EDITED TO ADD: I was wrong. It’s not a crawl of text. Such is the world in which we live I was able to download the movie to look, check, and verify. It opens with John Carpenter-ish synth riffs, and deep, dark narration by Michael Hanks. It was tough to punctuate the following, because many times you’d think a sentence was over, and then it would go on.

Since before recorded time it had swung through the universe in an elliptical orbit so large that its very existence remained a secret of time and space. But now, in the last few years of the twentieth century, the visitor was returning.

Animated comet goes whooshing by.
Title: NIGHT OF THE COMET

The citizens of Earth would get an extra Christmas present this year, as their planet orbited through the tail of the comet. Scientists predicted a light show of stellar proportions – something not seen on Earth for 65 million years. Indeed, not since the time that the dinosaurs disappeared virtually overnight.

There were a few who saw this as more than just a coincidence. But, most didn’t.

Apple Is Watching You

In a discussion to a post over at Dave Winer’s:

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“Why wear a watch when you have the time thrown at you all over the place?”

Because a watch isn’t just a timepiece. It’s also a sensor on your wrist.

This piece on Medium is one I think makes two great points about where the Apple Watch could evolve to:

* A controller for home devices, in the “Internet of Things” model.
* Specifically, a controller for your TV.

Say what you will about the UI shown in Minority Report, it clearly had an impact. I suggest that a sensor actually on your wrist will be much more efficient than anything movie-sensor-like on the server box itself.

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Oh, and this: “iWatch will never be in the same league.”

What was the quote from the head of Blackberry? Oh, yeah, here:

“We’ve learned and struggled for a few years here figuring out how to make a decent phone,” he said. “PC guys are not going to just figure this out. They’re not going to just walk in.”

So, PC guys are not going to just walk in and do fashion? Hm. Ever hear Jobs’ quote about how Microsoft has no taste? I’d argue that what Apple’s product has always been isn’t tech, but tastefulness. Buy their stuff, and be considered tasteful. If that isn’t the basic product fashion sells, what is?

Profit? Cash is king!

Well, unless you don’t have that, either. From this article in Inc.:

“As Griffin explains, “Bezos sees a competitor’s love of margins and other financial ‘ratios’ as an opportunity for Amazon since the competitor will cling to them while he focuses on absolute dollar free cash flow and slices through them like a hot knife through butter. Bezos spelled out his focus on absolute dollar free cash flow in his 2004 letter to shareholders…””

Sounds great, except for one thing.  Not only are Amazon’s profit margins terrible, its cash flow is fairly dire as well. From their financials:

3 months ending 2014-03-31: -$3,584.00 (in millions, so a drop of almost $3.6 billion).

12 months ending 2013-12-31: $574.00   

9 months ending 2013-09-30: $-4,212.00

6 months ending 2013-06-30: $-4,380.00

3 months ending 2013-03-31: $-3,603.00

2004 Bezos probably does a facepalm whenever he thinks about 2014 Bezos.