Spare time

From “The Scarlet Capsule” episode of The Goon Show:


Henry Crun: There’s no doubt about these rhythm-skulls, Min. They are 50 million years old.

Minnie Bannister: Nonsense. According to my quillocalnivviespoons, in my opinion, these skulls were dropped by the Germans in 1943.

Ned Quatermass: Unexploded German skulls? I hadn’t thought of that.

Maj. Bloodnok: Elephant soup with sqad spuds.

Quatermass: I hadn’t thought of that, either.

Bloodnok: Sabrina in the bath.

Quatermass: Ha ha ha ha ha! I do have some spare time.


“As Canadian as possible…”

I’m going to quote this in full. Mostly so I can have it in a safe place, and not disappear due to link rot, or the Brownian swirl of the internet.

“As Canadian as possible under the circumstances” is arguably one of the most famous Canadian aphorisms. But not many know its author, or how it came to be.

In 1972, Peter Gzowski, then summer host of This Country in the Morning, held a contest to complete (in the manner of “As American as apple pie”) the saying “As Canadian as …”. Heather Scott, a seventeen-year-old summer music school student at the time, heard of the contest, and immediately came up with the phrase that has since become so famous. The subsequent telephone call from Peter to Heather at her school began what was to become an on-and-off relationship with “Mr. Canada”.

Heather was a passionate Canadian, who cared deeply about her country and her fellow man. She bravely completed her University of Toronto Honours B.A. while recovering from Hodgkin’s Disease, and went on to a career as a production editor with Prentice Hall, married and miraculously (after all her radiation treatments) bore a daughter, Sarah. Her other popular claim to fame is as editor of Don Cherry’s autobiography, for which she earned a flowery dedication from Don.

Sadly, her cancer returned in 1990, and she died at home (in White Rock, B.C.) on 30 October 1994. Ironically, Peter Gzowski visited White Rock on a book tour just a few days later. They never met, until perhaps Peter’s own passing a scant eight years later.

R. W. Scott (Heather’s father) 
Long Point, Ontario 
18 May 2004

This can be lexicon, as I joke about five (maybe six) of my eight great-grandparents being Canadian makes me ethnically so. Sometimes rephrased as, “As well as possible…” in response to the American opening question, “How are you doing?”

(Note that Ms. Scott was a music student, and there were rules about a minimum of Canadian content on radio and television.)

“May (or may not)…”

This comes from a sub-section of the original BBC Radio version of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It’s a bit intricate, so here’s the whole thing:

“May (or may not)…” pops up all over in my lexicon.

“Some of you may (or may not) remember the story I told…”

Although on re-hearing it, I admit a fondness for “Representatives of the Amalgamated Union of Philosophers, Sages, Luminaries, and Other Professional Thinking Persons.” Let alone, “(W)e demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!”