“Of all the gin joints in all the world…”

Lexicon. From the movie Casablanca. Once, I would have thought this was such a widely seen film I wouldn’t need to explain, but as the years go by, even societal memory fades.

Like many quotes from this movie, somewhat mangled. It should be, “Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world… she walks into mine.” The towns, alas, get dumped.

Usage: Something incredibly rare and unexpected happens.

“My god!”
”What?”
”That car that just cut us off, like an asshole?”
”Yeah?”
”It’s a Bugatti Veyron.”
(respectful pause) “Of all the gin joints, in all the world…”

How not to do a re-brand

It’s been two years now since Angie’s List renamed itself Angi. This was done because, allegedly, “(W)e’re not just a list anymore. Customers were confined and constrained by the literal nature of the name.”

But both their TV ads and their website all but scream, “We used to be Angie’s List!” If you’re still encountering so much resistance from your customers after two years, perhaps it’s time to concede they’re comfortable with being confined and constrained.

What one fool can do…

Considering how many fools can calculate, it is surprising that it should be thought either a difficult or a tedious task for any other fool to learn how to master the same tricks.

Some calculus-tricks are quite easy. Some are enormously difficult. The fools who write the textbooks of advanced mathematics—and they are mostly clever fools—seldom take the trouble to show you how easy the easy calculations are. On the contrary, they seem to desire to impress you with their tremendous cleverness by going about it in the most difficult way.

Being myself a remarkably stupid fellow, I have had to unteach myself the difficulties, and now beg to present to my fellow fools the parts that are not hard. Master these thoroughly, and the rest will follow. What one fool can do, another can.

Calculus Made Easy, Silvanus Thompson, 1914 (yes, still in print)

Nicky K. and running shoes

Here’s a cute ad from Brooks shoes. Back in 1979, 1980 or so, they would take the back cover of Runner’s World.

Эти туфли убивают меня.
(Eti tufli ubivayut menya)

It’s Khrushchev (Хрущёв) banging his shoe on the podium at the UN. A fairly famous incident.

The slugline reads, “Sometimes a comfortable shoe can make all the difference in the world.”

Not being a Russian speaker, I took the magazine to my high school cross-country coach, Greg Baranoff, who is. And he started laughing at great length. When he finally caught his breath, he translated:

“These shoes are killing me!”

Rhino snot pie

Lexicon. Mildly derivative of Bill Cosby’s routine of having a rhino for a pet. This takes it one step further, and refers to how servers sometimes get stuck with specials they know are dubious, but they have to flack to the diners anyway.

“Tonight we have artisanal, free-range rhino snot pie as our special dessert…”

By extension, anything hoisted on service people as something they have to enthuse over:

“Well, they seem all-in for the 7-cylinder hybrid sports wagon.”
”Rhino snot pie. I just loooove this car!”

Your rudder is too small

Lexicon. From the movie Titanic:

“(Captain Smith) figures anything big enough to sink the ship they’re going to see in time to turn. But the ship’s too big, with too small a rudder… it can’t corner worth shit. Everything he knows is wrong.”

Not so much a misquote, as a paraphrase. “Your rudder is too small,” means you don’t have enough resources for the task at hand. Thus:

“I really think I can learn general relativity from this Mandarin textbook in six weeks.”
”Your rudder is too small.”