Author Archives: Hal

“I’m glad…”

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Bernard: I believe you know each other.
Sir Humphrey: Yes, we did cross swords when the Minister gave me a grilling over the estimates in the Public Accounts Committee.
Hacker: I wouldn’t say that.
Sir Humphrey: You came up with all the questions I hoped nobody would ask.
Hacker: Well, Opposition’s about coming up with awkward questions.
Sir Humphrey: And Government is about not answering them.
Hacker: Well, you answered all mine anyway.
Sir Humphrey: I’m glad you thought so, Minister.

— Yes, Minister, S1E1, “Open Government,” written by Antony Jay & Jonathan Lynn

Lexicon for the final line, which those who know me have oft suffered from. Here’s the bit as performed:

Full retard

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Kirk Lazarus: Everybody knows you never go full retard.
Tugg Speedman: What do you mean?
Kirk Lazarus: Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man. Look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho’. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump. Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and he won a ping-pong competition. That ain’t retarded. He was a goddamn war hero. You know any retarded war heroes? You went full retard, man. Never go full retard.

You don’t buy that? Ask Sean Penn. 2001, I Am Sam. Remember? Went full retard, went home empty-handed.

— Tropic Thunder, screenplay by Etan Cohen, Ben Stiller, and Justin Theroux

Not the most sensitive of lines, no. Still, funny for the sense of the machinations actors calculate when it comes to determining which of their roles might get them awards (should they be interested in such things).

Also, lexicon, for the formulation, “Full {x}.” Usage: For the past year and a half I’ve gone almost full Mormon — no alcohol or caffeine. The exceptions are few enough to be easily counted; one beer, two cups of coffee.

Tighty whiteys still fit

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It was 2004, and many hearts were set aflutter by the declassification of this document (click through to see the whole thing, if that’s not clear):

As you can see, it’s a bit of a mish-mash, graphically.

So designer Greg Storey, under his rubric Airbag Industries, decided to take a swing at an improvement. Here we are, decades later, and I still think it’s a wonderful piece of clarity:

To paraphrase Augustine, I know it when I see it.

The Kosher Burrito

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Ah, memories. This was a small place across the street from LA City Hall (I worked at City Hall East for five summers).

This LA Times article from 2001 describes it this way:

(O)n a typical day, the stand sells about 100 namesake Kosher burritos–which include pastrami, chili sauce, dill-pickle chips and chopped onion wrapped in a flour tortilla–in addition to burgers, fries and fried chicken.

As I always relate at this point, one time I went there and was asked, “Do you want cheese on that?” Which, of course, would make it trayf (not kosher).

I declined. I wanted the original experience.

Still, for its aspirations of serving hot food to City Hall grazers for lunch, it was a great place.

The Best Homer Simpson Quote

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“Marge, if you’re going to get mad every time I do something stupid, then I guess I just have to stop doing stupid things!” (S04E09, “Mr. Plow”)

This also works from our perspective as well, to wit:

“If you’re going to get upset every time we call something you did stupid, then I guess you’ll just have to stop doing stupid things!”

The differences of translation

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From the Analects of Kǒng Fūzǐ (15:19), who is frequently Anglicized as Confucius:

Ames & Rosemont: The Master said, “Exemplary persons are distressed by their own lack of ability, not by the failure of others to acknowledge them.”

Lyall (Proj. Gutenberg): The Master said, His shortcomings trouble a gentleman; to be unknown does not trouble him.

Legge: The Master said, “The superior man is distressed by his want of ability. He is not distressed by men’s not knowing him.”

A. Charles Muller: The Master said: “The noble man suffers from his own lack of ability, not from lack of recognition.”

So the next time you’re thinking you don’t get enough comments…