The Frantics

All of them lexicon.

Boot to the head:

Ti Kwan Leep:

And, Make Up Dirty Words:

These are all, spectacularly, from the same album. But so many phrases come from them:
”Boot to the head.”
”Yeah, yeah, patience… how long will that take?”
” I have urges in my areas.
”…and one for Jenny and the wimp.”
”Beat people up?”

What’s interesting is “Ti Kwan Leep” has generated second generation performances in… martial arts schools, of all places. Here’s an example (a little shaky, but others stick in Vangelis’ Chariots of Fire):

The Frantics were a recurring act on a radio show for novelty records, hosted by Dr Demento. The good Doctor’s most famous acolyte was “Weird Al” Yankovic, who got his start on the radio program.

“As Canadian as possible…”

I’m going to quote this in full. Mostly so I can have it in a safe place, and not disappear due to link rot, or the Brownian swirl of the internet.

“As Canadian as possible under the circumstances” is arguably one of the most famous Canadian aphorisms. But not many know its author, or how it came to be.

In 1972, Peter Gzowski, then summer host of This Country in the Morning, held a contest to complete (in the manner of “As American as apple pie”) the saying “As Canadian as …”. Heather Scott, a seventeen-year-old summer music school student at the time, heard of the contest, and immediately came up with the phrase that has since become so famous. The subsequent telephone call from Peter to Heather at her school began what was to become an on-and-off relationship with “Mr. Canada”.

Heather was a passionate Canadian, who cared deeply about her country and her fellow man. She bravely completed her University of Toronto Honours B.A. while recovering from Hodgkin’s Disease, and went on to a career as a production editor with Prentice Hall, married and miraculously (after all her radiation treatments) bore a daughter, Sarah. Her other popular claim to fame is as editor of Don Cherry’s autobiography, for which she earned a flowery dedication from Don.

Sadly, her cancer returned in 1990, and she died at home (in White Rock, B.C.) on 30 October 1994. Ironically, Peter Gzowski visited White Rock on a book tour just a few days later. They never met, until perhaps Peter’s own passing a scant eight years later.

R. W. Scott (Heather’s father) 
Long Point, Ontario 
18 May 2004

This can be lexicon, as I joke about five (maybe six) of my eight great-grandparents being Canadian makes me ethnically so. Sometimes rephrased as, “As well as possible…” in response to the American opening question, “How are you doing?”

(Note that Ms. Scott was a music student, and there were rules about a minimum of Canadian content on radio and television.)

“May (or may not)…”

This comes from a sub-section of the original BBC Radio version of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It’s a bit intricate, so here’s the whole thing:

“May (or may not)…” pops up all over in my lexicon.

“Some of you may (or may not) remember the story I told…”

Although on re-hearing it, I admit a fondness for “Representatives of the Amalgamated Union of Philosophers, Sages, Luminaries, and Other Professional Thinking Persons.” Let alone, “(W)e demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!”

“Space…”

Lexicon. You’d think it wouldn’t come up much, but there I was, watching an episode of Property Brothers on HGTV, and after the reveal they were talking about how they had so much more “space…

This is from Creature Comforts, a short similar to Wallace and Gromit by Nick Park and his Aardman clay animation crew. As the jaguar speaks, the Brasilian accent is vital.

“I think I need a bigger box”

Taco Bell used to have a whole series of commercials featuring a talking Chihuahua. This was my favorite, a movie tie-in with a US Godzilla:

I like this particular one because of the ‘tude. “I can take him… I just need a bigger box.”

This reminds me of a prank pulled by Harvey Mudd College against CalTech. The two colleges have a longstanding rivalry, both being engineering schools. (A rivalry Tech’ers insist doesn’t exist — even as they think up their next prank.)

There’s a large cannon in the middle of CalTech’s campus. A group of enterprising Mudders decided it would be fun to steal it. They consulted a recent alum on how to do this. He reportedly got a faraway look and said:

“You guys are going to need a big crane.”

Not, “No, that would be wrong.” Not, “Have you considered what the jail terms might be?” No… You guys can take ‘em. You just need a big enough box. Er, um, crane.

The spirit that builds great things.

”He’s going to drive that poor girl crazy!”

The year: 1991

The setting: Pasadena’s Hastings Ranch theaters

The film: Hamlet, directed by Zeffirelli, starring Gibson, Close, Bates, Scofield, Holm, Bonham Carter, etc.

So, we get to the nunnery scene. Ophelia’s nearly in tears.

One grey-haired Pasadena matron turns to her companion, and says, just above a stage whisper:

“He’s going to drive that poor girl crazy!”

{blink}

Never seen this story before, have you, ma’am?

Chaucer’s Salons

From a long-time favorite novel, Steven Minkin’s A No Doubt Mad Idea:

“On to the library. And all through his time at the card catalog, combing the shelves, filling out the request cards, he danced a silent, flirtatious minuet of the eyes with a rosy-cheeked redhead in the biology section, pages of notes spread before her. All his life, he had had a yen for women in libraries. In a cerebral setting, the physical becomes irresistible. Also, he figured he was really more likely to meet a better or at least more compatible woman in a library than in a saloon. Ought to have singles libraries, with soups and salads, Bach and Mozart, Montaignes bound in morocco; place to sip, smoke, and seduce in a classical setting, noon to midnight. Chaucer’s Salons, call them, franchise chain.”

Hence the fucking name

From Denis Leary’s 1997 comedic routine/record/video Lock ‘N Load. Lexicon. Re-worked from the original (“You took the donut, you dunked it in coffee. Thus the fucking title of the place!”), as he explains why Dunkin Donuts is called that.

Used when it can explain a tautology:

“Turns out Hal’s Tavern is owned by a guy named Hal.”
”Hence the fucking name.”

(YouTube isn’t letting me embed any of the many videos with his Lock ‘N Load “Coffee” segment. Hence the fucking link. [see?] Not sure why the curly quote algorithm is broken in that line above, but I’m out of spoons for what I thought would be a quick entry.)