In the Icebox

“Another of this wonderful woman’s wonderful sayings (I told you—I got a million of ‘em; don’t make me prove it) was “Milk always takes the flavor of what’s next to it in the icebox.” Not a very useful saying, you might think, but I suspect it’s not only the reason I’m writing this introduction, but the reason I’m writing it the way I’m writing it.
Does it sound like Harlan wrote it?
It does?
That’s because I just finished the admirable book which follows. For the last four days I have been, so to speak, sitting next to Harlan in the icebox. I am not copying his style; nothing as low as that. I have, rather, taken a brief impression of his style, the way that, when we were kids, we used to be able to take a brief impression of Beetle Bailey or Blondie from the Sunday funnies with a piece of Silly Putty (headline in the New York Times Book Review: KING OFFERS EERILY APT METAPHOR FOR HIS OWN MIND!!).”

— Stephen King, from his introduction to Harlan Ellison’s Stalking the Nightmare

Among the *many* problems…

Lexicon. A reworking of the renowned “Spanish Inquisition” sketch by Monty Python. That sketch has an original structure of:

  • “Our chief weapon is…”
  • “Our two weapons…”
  • “Our three weapons…”
  • “Our four — no — Amongst our weapons…”

Our version goes more like…

  • The problem with {x} is…
  • Among the problems with {x} Is…
  • Among the many problems with {x} is…


(It’s possible this comes from Douglas Adams, instead, but he may have been riffing on the Pythons himself.)

Pushing my luck

Lexicon. Almost always me. I came up with it in the early days of our relationship. Every now and then I will lightly push Ulrika, on the arm or something. The canonical exchange:

“What are you doing?”
“Pushing my luck.”

And I do feel I’m a genuinely lucky guy.

“…my theory, which is mine”

Lexicon. Mild reworking of a Monty Python sketch involving John Cleese playing Anne Elk, (Miss). YouTube doesn’t seem to have the original, only performances later, which don’t appear to have the right phrasing. This implies it was being improvised, within certain limits. Here’s Miss Elk announcing a new theory:


This can be rephrased in all kinds of ways. “My drink, which is mine…”, “My car, which is mine…”, etc.

The phones are listening.

My wife and I were driving in our car. I was an IT contractor, and working with a client migrating from Windows 7 to Windows 10.

My team would hire someone, and this would involve getting a variety of network permissions, and equipment for them. The new hires would always have to sit around doing nothing, because their permissions hadn’t come through yet, and we didn’t have the equipment to give them if they had.

“You know what these guys need? They need to use Gantt charts, figure out how long the different paths take, and then tell new hires to show up on the day everything’s ready for them… Instead of having them lurk about. Fun as that can be, depending on the person.”

Ulrika looked at me. She then echoed Joan Kroc’s reported answer to Ray Kroc when he told her he’d bought the Padres (“Honey, what’s a Padre?”) — “Honey, what’s a Gantt chart?”

“You know. A Gantt chart. Stacked horizontal lines? Used to manage a project? You use Office… They’re in Excel, I’m pretty sure.”

“Well, you’re driving, so don’t try to show me just now.”

Now, normally, this would just be a very minor anecdote… except for one thing:

I started seeing ads for Gantt charts in both GMail and Facebook. Ulrika started seeing ads for Gantt charts in both GMail and Facebook.

It’s been four years since I was on that contract, and Facebook still shows me this:


We both have Android phones. We weren’t using them at the time.

It’s really unlikely Ulrika would have been a target audience, given that she didn’t know what they were until that conversation. And it’s a very specialized product.

Don’t tell me the phones don’t listen.

“Foreshadowing”

Lexicon.

About a week before Bloom County went on a substantial sub-plot about Bill the Cat being a Russian spy, there was this glorious 3-day sequence. It has even been quoted in academic papers.

“Foreshadowing” — Your clue to quality literature.

Here, have a link to the very first Bloom County strip, December 8, 1980. Then, you can read through the whole thing. If you want.