From Blake Edwards’ other great movie, The Great Race. Lexicon, obvs.
“Push the button, Max!”
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Category Archives: Movies
How to not make money in the movies
The title says it all: “How Zyzzyx Road only grossed $30.00.”
TL;DR —
Zyzzyx ran for seven days at Dallas’ Highland Park Village Theater, with a single screening each day at noon. When it closed, exactly six people had gone to see it, for a total gross of, yes, $30.
I was talking to a friend who works intricately in entertainment, and they say this wouldn’t be regarded as “released” today (unlike its 2006 run) as one now needs a minimum of 10 theaters. Possibly because of this film. So it’s unlikely ever to be… well, “surpassed” seems the wrong word. “Displaced”? — from this curious record.
“It’s my manner, sir.”
Lexicon. Only mine. From the movie Lawrence of Arabia:
Lawrence: Good morning, sir.
General Murray: Salute! (Lawrence salutes, in an offhand gesture) If you’re insubordinate of me, Lawrence, I shall put you under arrest!
Lawrence: It’s my manner, sir.
General Murray: (flatly) Your what?
Lawrence: My manner, sir. It looks insubordinate, but it isn’t, really.
General Murray: You know, I can’t make out whether you’re bloody bad-mannered or just half-witted.
Lawrence: I have the same problem, sir.
Rainbow Connection, a Benoit Blanc Joint
By way of the usually reliable Mr. Kottke comes this fun mash-up:
“Of all the gin joints in all the world…”
Lexicon. From the movie Casablanca. Once, I would have thought this was such a widely seen film I wouldn’t need to explain, but as the years go by, even societal memory fades.
Like many quotes from this movie, somewhat mangled. It should be, “Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world… she walks into mine.” The towns, alas, get dumped.
Usage: Something incredibly rare and unexpected happens.
“My god!”
”What?”
”That car that just cut us off, like an asshole?”
”Yeah?”
”It’s a Bugatti Veyron.”
(respectful pause) “Of all the gin joints, in all the world…”
Asps
Borrowed from our friends David Levine and Kate Yule. It’s a line from Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Indy: Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes?
Sallah (peering into the tomb): Asps. Very dangerous. (pause) You go first.
Usage:
“That rhino snot pie on the menu looks interesting.”
”Asps.”
(Kate died in 2016. We miss her a lot.)
Your rudder is too small
Lexicon. From the movie Titanic:
“(Captain Smith) figures anything big enough to sink the ship they’re going to see in time to turn. But the ship’s too big, with too small a rudder… it can’t corner worth shit. Everything he knows is wrong.”
Not so much a misquote, as a paraphrase. “Your rudder is too small,” means you don’t have enough resources for the task at hand. Thus:
“I really think I can learn general relativity from this Mandarin textbook in six weeks.”
”Your rudder is too small.”
Full retard
Kirk Lazarus: Everybody knows you never go full retard.
Tugg Speedman: What do you mean?
Kirk Lazarus: Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man. Look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho’. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump. Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and he won a ping-pong competition. That ain’t retarded. He was a goddamn war hero. You know any retarded war heroes? You went full retard, man. Never go full retard.You don’t buy that? Ask Sean Penn. 2001, I Am Sam. Remember? Went full retard, went home empty-handed.
— Tropic Thunder, screenplay by Etan Cohen, Ben Stiller, and Justin Theroux
Not the most sensitive of lines, no. Still, funny for the sense of the machinations actors calculate when it comes to determining which of their roles might get them awards (should they be interested in such things).
Also, lexicon, for the formulation, “Full {x}.” Usage: For the past year and a half I’ve gone almost full Mormon — no alcohol or caffeine. The exceptions are few enough to be easily counted; one beer, two cups of coffee.
YAMAD
Oh, boy, is this Lexicon.
Yet Another Movie About Dorks. The principle lurking behind YAMAD is, no matter how stupid, or clutzy, or socially inept you may feel, here’s a movie (or TV series, these days) about people stupider, less graceful, etc., so a broad audience can look down on them.
Origin: There we were, dear reader, at one of our weekly movies (we cut the cord before a whole lot of people) in 1998. We were being subjected to a trailer for A Night at the Roxbury for the 35th time. It was obvious this thing was incredibly stupid. It was obvious it was going to flop. But still, some studio exec had greenlit spending $17M of budget to make and market this steaming turd.
Why? Who did they expect to show up?
Possibly fans of Will Farrell, the Godfather of YAMAD. Chris Kattan, the co-star, never really showed up too much after this. (I mean, Sharknado 5?)
No, this is a movie of consolation. No matter how bad your life is, here are some clowns who are even worse. Dumb and Dumber is YAMAD. Wayne’s World. Anchorman. Kevin Smith is the Orson Welles of YAMAD — his characters are dumb on the surface, but there’s more there than you think.
Kardashians is YAMAD plus money. Most descendants of Candid Camera (think Ridiculousness on MTV; or nearly all of MTV, these days) are YAMAD plus voyeurism.
No big summation. “I alone escaped to tell thee.”
Lexicon — “I am the Supreme Being”
Wally: Do you mean you knew what was happening to us all the time?
Supreme Being: Well, of course. I am the Supreme Being. I’m not entirely dim…
— Time Bandits, 1981, script by Michael Palin and Terry Gilliam.
Usually misquoted by me as “completely dim.” Not sure why. Rhythm, perhaps?